Raven II: Return to Night's Plutonian Shore

or, The Sequels of Edgar Allan Poe

 Twice upon a midnight dreary
While I pondered o’er the query
“Is there yet balm in Gilead?”
Suddenly there came a sound
Muffled, like cotton wrapped around
A watch, a tell-tale beating sound
That made men think me mad.

 For I had penned verse with no equal
And tales that clamor’d for a sequel
And so the public called for more!
More noises at my window lattice;
More pondering where that damned black cat is;
More dark despair that men adore.
More men walled up in drunken revels
More black-feathered bird-shaped devils
This time saying “Furthermore...”

 So the sequels came a-thumping
Thumping at my chamber door
The first one that the public’s craving
Is, of course, Son of the Raven
With a prequel called “I Found Lenore.”
And after these, a brand new scene:
As walls collapse with a mighty crack,
As Fortunato Striketh Back
And before too long...The Tell-Tale Spleen.

 A victim is found with his belly slit
In The Pendulum in Another Pit.
Then a crazy scholar, diseased in the brain,
Brings his cousin a little peace
In Dental Implants for Berenice
And notching up some further pain
A tale to take away your breath:
A Second Masque...for the Yellow Death!
And Usher’s House, Rebuilt Again.

 ENOUGH!
                These horrors are no more
Erased by the raven at my chamber door
Whom I obey as he starts to implore
“Don’t do sequels! Never bore!”
And so I won’t. Forevermore!

National Poetry Month Day #28 The Myth of Conception

We are the result of a hero’s quest

The biology books seem to tell us

The product of one single conqueror sperm

Leaving millions of also-rans jealous

An alpha-male gamete that outran the rest

Stormed the castle, and brought things to term.

It’s a well crafted hero myth--still, it’s a myth

And the actual story is more strange:

Gametes that collaborate get to be born

(Versed in the language of protein exchange);

Swap ions to activate each other with,

Sharing all things in order to spawn.

It was working together that made me and you--

Well, that, and a few trillion bacteria too

 

National Poetry Month Day #18: Biochemistry Haiku

I shall wear my benzene ring:
It resonates with
Antici - say it! - pation

National Poetry Month Day #17: Subtitled Movie Night

The arms wave in slow motion
As the bucket-headed victim bumps the lake bed,
Head first,
In the underwater garden of the bucket heads.

National Poetry Month Day 16: Logical Limerick

I'm a logical man blowing smoke

And giving some brain cells a poke

What you get's metaphorical

When you take a rhetorical

Question and cross with a joke.

National Poetry Month Day #15: Pleased to Meet You

I’m the saboteur who slipped the fly into your ointment

I was the man on the grassy knoll

I’m the engineer of your every disappointment

I’m the chunk of grit inside your breakfast roll

Every time you slip up on the steps to your apartment

I’m the one who placed that patch of black ice for your shoe

When your promotion went to that young dunce in your department

I’m the one who shredded all the paperwork from you.

Every time you lose your purse, your keys, or peace of mind

Look no further for a culprit: I’m the one you’ll find

I helped out the Nazis during World War Two in Sweden

You’ll never see the Antichrist and me in the same room

I was the serpent in the Garden of Eden

In the Land of Oz, you’ve seen my flying monkeys, and my broom

Every time your miss your bus on a cold and dismal day

I’m the one who hacked the weather app on your smartphone

And wound the driver’s clock ahead to speed him on his way

And you thought it was sunny and you left your coat at home.

I do research all day long and lie awake at night to scheme

Of yet more ways to make your waking hours a bad dream.

Please allow me to introduce myself

I’m a man of cruel taste and growing wealth

I’m the man who sold the world the Elf on the Shelf

And a billion other ways to ruin your health:

I designed the DMV

The IRS, CCTV,

Those leaky cups that spill your tea

Deficiencies in Vitamin B

Each ozone-pounding CFC

Billy Ray Cyrus (and Miley)

That car ahead doing 23

Your own car’s lowest MPG

The pundits on Fox News TV

Star Wars (Episodes I through III)

Who’s behind all that? It’s me!

Every time you feel like balling up an angry fist

Direct your punch at me ‘cause it’s the reason I exist.

National Poetry Month Day 14: Big words are sexy

Big words are sexy

I called her callipygian today
It gobsmacked her; she didn't know what to say
She showed decolletage
That was awfully large
To thank me in an ostrobogulous way